In a world where sexual shame lurks in the shadows … finding alternative methods to explore your sexuality is a game-changer.
If you’ve ever felt overcome by sexual shame at any point in your life – you’re not alone.
Most human beings experience this.
And … it sucks.
But the good news – is you can overcome it by learning to connect with your body and discover what makes you feel good.
Laura Usher is a passionate somatic counsellor who helps people break free from the chains of sexual shame.
In this transformative episode, we explored the power of crystals, wands, the one-and-only yoni egg.
We talked about the power of somatic counselling in unlocking healing, growth, and empowerment (IMO it’s way more effective than talk-therapy).
Laura shares her personal journey towards reclaiming her own sexuality and embracing healing.
We talk about the stickiness of sexual shame and its impact on our lives.
Luckily – Laura discovered alternative methods to escape its grasp.
With vulnerability and authenticity, Laura talks about the profound shifts she experienced as she delved into the world of crystals and somatic counselling.
Laura’s story serves as a beacon of hope for those seeking liberation from their own hidden pain.
Did you know you can use crystals yoni eggs to upgrade your sexual healing?
Each crystal has different properties, and it allows you to delve into the depths of your emotions and your body, sensation, and inner world.
It doesn’t matter if you want healing or pleasure (I believe they’re one and the same) – the crystal yoni egg is a lifesaver.
Laura sheds light on the unique emotional and energetic benefits of different crystals and explains how they can aid in healing and self-exploration.
Yoni eggs have been used for centuries to enhance women’s sexual health and well-being.
And the best part?
You can use the yoni egg or crystal wand all on your own: no partner required 🙌
Although they are made for women (sorry dudes!), men can benefit from listening to this episode too.
Especially if you have a girlfriend, wife, female friend, or partner.
We also explored the role of therapy, boundaries, and somatic counselling in creating a safe and nurturing space for self-discovery.
Laura’s expertise shines through as she explains the power of somatic counselling in bringing our awareness back to our bodies and nervous system.
Because the real healing begins in your body (not your mind).
If you’re struggling to feel safe in your body (or if you’re wondering what the hell that even means) then tune into this episode.
Cultivating internal safety opens up new possibilities and opportunities within you…
In your personal relationships…
And in your work or business.
By knowing your own boundaries, you can enforce them, build trust with yourself and others, and embrace your authenticity.
With practical tips and tools for healing and growth, Laura offers a roadmap to empowerment that can truly transform your life.
By exploring the world of crystal wands, the yoni egg, and somatic counselling – you can transform your life in huge ways.
So, what are you waiting for?
PS – Laura has generously offered Sex, Money & Rage listeners a discount on her online store, La Loba. Simply enter SMR15 at the checkout to get 15% off store wide (time to order that yoni egg!) ❤️
Quit doing yoga. Express your rage and have earth-shattering orgasms instead 👇
In this episode, you’ll learn…
- What is a yoni egg and a crystal wand (dildo) 🍑
- How to unlock deep sexual healing by using crystal yoni eggs and wands to connect with your body 🤍
- The importance of boundaries and the one question to ask yourself when you’re freaking out and spiralling out of control 🤯
- The surprising healing power contained within your own nervous system (and how to access it) 🔑
- How sexual pleasure and healing can transform your life in sooooo many ways for the better 🙌
Connect With Laura
- 0:00 – Intro
- 5:47 – Empowering Women’s Sexual Health
- 10:43 – Sexual Healing With Crystal Yoni Eggs and Wands
- 23:27 – The Importance of Therapy and Boundaries
- 28:10 – Marketing Sex Toys and Somatic Therapy
- 36:40 – Somatic Counselling Explained
- 48:17 – Cultivating Internal Safety
- 52:03 – Internal Safety and Checking In With Yourself
- 56:06 – The Positive Impacts of Somatic Work
Ellie Goode — Host of the Provocative “Sex, Money & Rage“ Podcast, Nervous System Junkie, and Plant Psychonaut 🌿
I created Sex, Money & Rage to talk about everything that’s taboo. BDSM. Plant medicine. Healthy Rage. Kink. Emotions. Boundaries. Money issues. Less thinking, more feeling. How to get into your body and silence your overactive mind.
Sex, Money & Rage provides straight-up, powerful nervous system tools to help you dominate life’s toughest moments.
All podcast episodes are located here.
Do you have 30 seconds to leave a 5-star rating on Spotify / Apple? 🤗
I mean… who doesn’t have 30 seconds, right?
And in case you need some extra social proof to inspire you to leave a review, check out these super nice things people have already said…
“The title sucked me in and I am glad! I just found out about this podcast and I was very impressed! The interview style is very interesting (not your usual dry interview questions) and gives a lot of insight into the way the guest thinks and held my attention the entire time.“Dumpster Muffin – USA
First-time listener but definitely not the last…Sex, Money & Rage connects listeners to impressive people with fascinating experiences to share. SMR is authentic, thought-provoking and an entertaining listen.Jack, USA
Thank you for creating this space for people like-minded to talk openly and and feel OK to talk about these things.Beau, Australia
DISCLAIMER: The information provided in this podcast (and in the Sex, Money & Rage website) is for informational and educational purposes only and therefore it does not constitute medical advice. Please consult a medical practitioner or healthcare provider if you’re seeking medical advice, diagnoses or treatment. To the maximum extent permitted by law (including the Australian Consumer Law), we exclude all liability for any loss or damage of any kind (including consequential loss, indirect loss, loss of profit, loss of benefit, loss of opportunity or loss of reputation) whether under statute, contract, equity, tort (including negligence), indemnity or otherwise arising out of or in connection with the Site or the Content. For more information about our terms, click here.
Ellie Goode: Welcome to the Sex, Money and Rage podcast.
Laura Usher: Yeah, I think we’re not really taught how to really be with our sexual energy. It’s kind of the same thing like oh no, we don’t look at that. But then there’s all this stuff happening and I was kind of wanting to explore that and it’s such a powerful energy And so I didn’t have great containment, i would say, or boundaries, or even somatically kind of know what was a yes and what was a no in my body. So, yeah, I ended up in a bunch of different situations that probably weren’t the greatest
Ellie Goode: What’s up, Ragers. And welcome back to Sex Money and Rage. I’m your host, Ellie, and today was an awesome episode. I mean I didn’t record it today, obviously. But it was really cool. There’s so much good stuff in this episode. We talked about crystal yoni eggs, crystal dildos, a whole lot of sexual healing and how to go about that. The power of the nervous system. One of my favourite things in life is the nervous system, as you’re probably all very well aware by now. But yeah, and Laura is just a really, really cool chick. She has a wealth of knowledge and experience and she’s had a really cool chat about sexual shame and how the body stores and holds onto stress and some of the things you can do to release survival stress from your body and heal your nervous system. So I am super excited. I love, love, love this stuff.
Ellie Goode: If you’ve been listening and you’re enjoying the podcast, please hit the subscribe or follow button and make sure notifications are ticked. And then every week on Sunday when a new episode goes live, you’ll get a notification from yours truly on your phone, customized reminders. I mean, you can’t get better than that. Well, I don’t know, maybe you can. Anyway, I am doing really, really good. Thank you so much for asking. I hope you guys are doing well as well, wherever you are in the world, wherever you’re listening from, in whatever device, whatever headphones. Thank you so much for giving up your time and listening to these podcast episodes. I don’t know who you are. I mean, I know who some of you are because you’ve told me, but for a lot of you, I don’t know who you are, and so I’m just yeah. It’s really awesome that we can connect in this way and, you know, talk about these things that are considered taboo, because they’re totally normal and we all go through them, and the more we can talk about it and share our stories, the more power we give each other and we give ourselves. So I’m really passionate about it. Thank you for coming along the journey with me.
Ellie Goode: It has been about a year since I first registered the domain for sexmoneyrage.com and came out with this idea of Sex, Money & Rage. Well, I didn’t come up with it. The idea just came to me randomly, as ideas do. And it’s almost been six months of episodes. So on the 20th, I think it’s the 21st of June will be officially six months, so pretty freaking epic. So that’s it from me today. Again, one more reminder t please hit the subscribe button. You know you want to smash it really hard. It makes me feel great. And please enjoy this incredible episode with Laura Usher.
Laura Usher: We’re good, we’re good, we’re good.
Ellie Goode: Welcome everyone! Today on Sex Money Rage, I’m interviewing Laura Usher, who is a somatic counsellor with a deep desire to for people to experience what is possible when we heal. So she has combined a whole bunch of tools and learnings from the last eight plus years, including a mixture of art therapy, psychotherapy, somatic trainings and specialized courses on understanding trauma, and she also has an incredible online sex store. I guess you call it a sex store – an ecommerce store selling crystal dildos and crystal yoni eggs, which is awesome. So, yeah, we can jump in right there. I think is a good point.
Ellie Goode: How did you get into selling crystal dildos and yoni eggs and all that good stuff?
Laura Usher: Yeah, so yeah, my it’s kind of like it started when I was quite young, I guess, with the crystal aspect. I’d like collected crystals and was very interested, I guess, in earth based, I don’t know, like magic and earth, just like what the earth kind of provides for us. And yeah, so my uncle gave me my first crystal And then my like love of crystals just kind of grew from there, like I was obsessed, like I knew, like I could identify them and like what their properties were, and yeah, so this sort of like bond and curiosity with with crystal started there. And then, you know, when I was older, even though I was quite, i would say, like a sexually curious, like even child, you know like I was always a really horny kid I think most kids are a bit horny Absolutely And you know that’s something that you know I’ve done like a lot of different like you know, retreats and like deep dives with people and things, and it’s it actually. It always comes up. You know the things that we did sexually as children And yeah, and I think there’s for most people that I speak to, like there’s often a lot of shame and stuff that’s coupled in with that, and so for me that wasn’t so much the case with the shame as a child But, like, as I got older, my peers and like, i guess, society, you know, like I felt shamed and around like my sexual energy and my sexuality.
Laura Usher: And yeah, I think, and I ended up in situations, you know, because I didn’t really have a great understanding of like. Yeah, I think like we’re not really taught how to really like be with our sexual energy. It’s kind of this thing that we’re like oh no, we like don’t look at that, but then, like there’s all this stuff happening. And I was kind of wanting to explore that and it’s such a powerful energy. So, you know, i didn’t have great containment, I would say, or like boundaries, or like even somatically kind of know what was a yes and what was a no in my body. So, yeah, I ended up in a bunch of different situations that you know probably weren’t the greatest, and then with that also, you know peer shaming and that sort of thing, yeah, so there was a lot of stuff like in me and that had kind of got stuck in me around my sexuality and even around like my menstrual cycles and things, things like that, and that’s still like something that I’m journeying with now. But yeah, so, so, like that happens, i had this like love of crystals And then I, when I was about 18, i kind of had my spiritual awakening for like the lack of a better word Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Laura Usher: So yeah, i kind of became curious about like old some like ways of healing. Essentially, and you know, like my doctors, you just get put on the. I got put on the pill when I was 16. And, yeah, that was like a very like Western approach, i think, to women’s sexuality and women’s reproductive health, and I just wanted to find, like I just kind of felt like there was another way that I could kind of be approaching my mental, my menstrual cycle and my sexuality and my pleasure and my body, and yeah, so it was kind of like this like little breadcrumb trail of like you know, like the first thing I found out about was moon kind of like you know, like about was moon cups, and I was like, oh, because like I always had a lot of pain from using tampons, and so I was like, okay, like there’s this other thing that I like didn’t know about, and so I started like using a moon cup. And then, yeah, it was like oh, and then I like went to a thing and they were talking about your necks and it was just sort of this like little progressive, like, yeah, trail that.
Laura Usher: I was like pulling the thread and like finding all of these things and all of these tools that essentially supported me more as a woman, like with my menstrual health and with my sexuality, and, yeah, i think, just just being feeling safer in my body and feeling safer in my pleasure and also not relying on, you know, like for me, like I’m a straight woman to like not relying on a man for my pleasure, which is kind of all that I really knew, and there was a lot of stuff rolled into that like being like feeling validated by men and, you know, just like this relationship with my sexual energy and the way that I went about that, it was kind of like a perspective shift and like, oh, okay, actually, like this is stuff that I can explore with myself. And you know, don’t get me wrong Like I love, i love men and I, you know, i love like being intimate in that way and having up. This is really beautiful to have a partner and to experience that. But I think, yeah, it was really important for me to kind of develop my own, i guess, pleasure, like practice, and to learn what I liked and what I didn’t like and yeah, so I’m kind of rambling, but that’s sort of how that’s great. And I said how it came about and you know I was like, okay, this is really powerful and I really want to offer this, like back to my community and, like you know, started just with my friends and, yeah, and like even my mom, i was like you got to try these things and I don’t know, she wasn’t that into it but yeah, so just started there and I started with a few, a few products and then it just kind of like was my own journey and then, like me reflecting that back through my business and, yeah, just like finding things that worked for me and hoping that they would, you know, support women and, you know, help other other people. So, yeah.
Ellie Goode: that’s so cool. I love hearing stories of people going through business and and especially when there’s a personal element of their story where you know they’ve gone through something and then they’ve, they’ve gone: “I want to help other people who are going through this.” That’s definitely a common theme of people that I’ve interviewed is along those lines, which is really cool, yeah, yeah. And it’s like, you know, it’s its own entity, but like there’s a part of me that, yeah, i think these things kind of, yeah, they, they, they come through us, you know. So it’s like it makes sense that there’s like a part of our journey is kind of imbued in the, in the creation of it, or yeah, yeah, yeah, amazing.
Ellie Goode: And, and just for people who don’t know, it’s called la loba herbalism, is it?
Laura Usher: So that’s the loba herbalism is my Instagram handle, but the website’s just laloba.com.au. Yeah, and the herbalism part is because I, like, I work with herbs and yeah, as well. So there’s a like a medicinal aspect to to the business too.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, awesome, awesome. And so I don’t know too much about yoni eggs, or the yoni egg. I I’ve, yeah, I would love to explore a bit about, I guess, what they used for and what they’re helpful for for people who, like me, don’t really know too much about them.
Laura Usher: Yeah, so there’s like there’s a physical aspect to take to using a young egg, and then there’s also like a more somatic and emotional, spiritual like aspect to them as well. So, you know, and and like I think what’s great about them is, you know, you can sort of be wanting them for more physical support or, like you know, a lot of women are kind of wanting to work through emotional stuff and it kind of really meets you where you’re at.
Laura Usher: And so the physical stuff is, like I’m sure you’ve heard of like pelvic floor exercises, kegel exercises, so every, everything essentially sits above the pelvic floor. It’s like the base of our you know body. And so when I, when our pelvic floor is healthy, everything’s kind of like sitting in its right. hopefully all of our organs and everything are kind of like sitting in their right places. And then also, you know, for women who have, like, have had babies and even like incontinence and things like that, like all my working with the pelvic floor, it helps just strengthen it And so, like post child birth, you know it can kind of help to bring everything back into a healthy balance.
Laura Usher: Yeah, and even for like core strength and things like that, like often, and especially in yoga too, like they talk about like the bundles, and people are like I don’t even know what that is, or like activating the pelvic floor and people kind of like, okay, you know so yeah, yeah, exactly. So it’s really helpful like even to like get a somatic sense of like what that is, and then you know, and it helps for like core activation, like lower core activation too, so yeah, and even for like women with like vaginismus or like that that get pain during sex, it can be a really beautiful like physical practice to kind of to gently explore, you know, inserting an egg and just sort of seeing what that’s like. And yeah, like even like having a physical reference point to like like we were just saying. It’s like people like I don’t know what my pelvic floor is, and so when it’s, when you’ve got a physical reference point, so the eggs, and then like you kind of squeeze, it’s like, oh, okay, actually I can feel that I kind of know what that is, yeah, and it also helps with like lubrication, building sensitivity. Yeah, it can help with like like healing any sort of traumas or like physical stuff that we’ve kind of got going on, and then I guess that kind of links into the more like energetic and spiritual aspects.
Laura Usher: So people will choose different crystals depending on like what it is they might want to be working with. Yeah, and like the most common stones would be like the Nephrite J that’s the tradition or stone that was used, and that’s sort of it’s like a beautiful dark green kind of color, yeah, and it’s like very gentle, a really lovely place to start. And then people that are a bit more like hardcore the obsidian is, sometimes people start which is a bit more like you know, working with shadow work and things like that. So it’s quite cool. You can kind of, yeah, feel like what you resonate with and choose, choose a crystal based on that, and then you’re always going to get the physical aspect of it. But then, like, there’s the sort of emotional and spiritual.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, that’s so interesting. I didn’t even realize there were like different types of crystal and that, because I know people who are into crystals and I know like what you only eggs are. But I didn’t ever think, oh, like you could use a different type of crystal to achieve something different, depending on what your intention is in that space, which is it’s really cool. Yeah, yeah, they’re great. Yeah, is the like the crystal, the crystal wand or the crystal dildo, is that sort of similar or is that sort of. You start with the, the yoni egg, and then you move on to the more advanced practices, or, yeah, what does it work?
Laura Usher: Yeah, yeah. So the, the eggs, I would say, are more for like kegel kind of practices, and so you can do a lot of different exercises, like when you’ve got them in, and like with with our website, like you get a little like instruction pamphlet and it gives you different exercises and stuff that you can do. Or you can just like leave it in because essentially, like, once it’s in, the body is kind of doing like micro movements around because there’s something in there and it’s like, oh, what’s this? Hello, you know. So you can also just like, yeah, like I don’t know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like to yoga, or you know, you could just like whatever.
Laura Usher: it’s good because you actually get that physical reference point, like I was talking about, and it’s like, oh, okay, yeah, i know what that means, yeah, so that that’s kind of the yoni eggs and like the crystal dildos, obviously you’ve still got the crystals, so like it’s all. It’s got that like emotional and spiritual kind of aspect to it. But it’s kind of more like not that you can’t have a pleasure practice with the yoni, and a yoni egg, because you absolutely can, but it’s more like pleasure, more of a pleasure practice, so yeah, but like also in saying that some of the ones that I’ve got on the website are designed for like internal massage, so like a trigger point, release kind of staff and de-armouring work, so yeah, and that that’s kind of for more like releasing. If there’s like held tension and energy, then you can kind of work with releasing that as well, so, and it can be pleasurable, but it can also be like quite an emotional experience, so yeah. So it kind of depends like what you’re looking for, i think, and like what style of wand you would then like go for.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, and so what’s de-armouring? What does that mean?
Laura Usher: So de-armouring is, i guess, like if you think of like what arm is for, it’s like this protect, you know protection, and so like with any sort of traumatic stuff that happens to us, like our body kind of holds that and can, you know, brace or create like a patterning or like like physical armoring. You know, often emotional, energetic stuff will then turn into like a physical, like blockage or tension or yeah. So it’s just like, I guess, the armour that our body creates to keep us safe, essentially. And so then when we’re working with that, it’s like we’re yeah, we’re presenting ourselves to what’s happening there and and breathing, and kind of like reparting and creating a safe environment for our body to kind of release, you know, what might be there and there might be memories and emotions and that sort of thing, And they kind of just sort of helps to, yeah, for us to pay attention to that and for that to be processed, yeah, and then and then hopefully, you know, from that there’s more sensitivity, more receptivity, more pleasure, more relaxation. Yeah, yeah, that’s that’s really cool. I really like that.
It’s it’s a very empowering practice where you know it’s it’s not just about, i guess, an orgasm, or maybe it is for some people and that that’s totally cool too, but it’s it’s like that de-armoring of getting, just getting to know your body, you know, getting to know how your body works and and really building a relationship with your body in that way, since just sounds really cool, yeah, yeah. And then it’s like the more pleasure I think we have access to, right, it’s like the less, the less we’re like holding and the less we’re like bracing for, for for life. Really, you know, it’s like the more access we have to joy and and, yeah, and pleasure and you know, and sexual pleasure too, right, so, yeah, totally Yeah, it’s a good, it’s a good side effect. Yeah, definitely, yeah, sounds very positive. I mean, i’m sure it would bring up, you know, different challenging stuff, like you mentioned. But once you, you know you learn to go through that and hold space for yourself and, and you know, be like okay, something’s going on, like then to move through that I’m sure would, yeah, like then you have all this joy and creativity and and passion and, you know, pleasurable sex on the other side of that, which is which is super cool. So, yeah.
Ellie Goode: it sounds really interesting.
Laura Usher: Yeah, and like a deeper, i think, connection with yourself and like a sense of safety and self connection. You know, it’s like, i think, when we really can be with ourselves, it, yeah, it kind of creates a foundation and relationship within ourselves. Yeah, but in saying that, you know, like I just feel to name that, like if people have gone, have had sexual trauma and things like that, like it’s good to be mindful and just aware of what might come up, and I always recommend for people to have, you know, support. I support like, whether that’s a systematic counsellor or you know a therapist or someone that they can kind of, yeah, have there as like a co regulator containment kind of piece. I think that’s that’s really important as well, just to know that. You know it’s not like, yeah, the Wild West was like, well, good luck, you know all the stuff might come up. Yeah, it’s like, it’s really yeah. And if you notice and like the thing with trauma is right, sometimes we forget that things have happened. So it’s like, if you’re noticing that when you’re working with you know, with a practice like this, it’s really good to go slow and be like, oh okay, like that actually might feel quite big, and to find support. if you don’t have support, yeah, do some research as well so that you know what can happen and how to do it safely as well, and it’s and all of that, yeah, it’s important.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, oh, cool, it’s super interesting And it’s something that I am a big believer in is getting to know your own body, you know, in both a sexual and a non sexual way, because the more you can know your body, the more you can communicate to a partner or to people you know, these are my boundaries, or this is what I’m comfortable with, or this is what I’m not comfortable with.
Ellie Goode: And you know, by exploring, you know this stuff on your own, you have a lot more confidence, I feel, to be able to communicate that, which is really cool And really important. I feel as well, yeah,
Laura Usher: Yeah, absolutely. And you know, sometimes we also get it wrong, and that’s okay as well. You know it’s like because I know for myself, I’m like you know, like do all the work. I’m like, yeah, okay, I feel really good to myself.
Laura Usher: And then, like you’ve actually come into a relationship with someone or you’re in a situation, and then it’s like, okay, you know, it’s like, i thought I’d be able to like say that and like do this, and like, oh, you know, totally, yeah, so, yeah, it’s very different when you’re in that situation. You know, when you’re like, okay, i yep, yep, this is harder than I, yeah, totally, it’s like in my mind, i’m like, now I’m here, i’m just like “jazz hands”
Ellie Goode: Haha I love jazz hands, it’s the solution to everything.
Laura Usher: Yeah, yeah, so I’m just going, i’m just gonna like back out of this room now. Yeah, it’s so true, and it can sometimes happen when you least expect it Like like I’ve had experiences where I’m like okay, i am responding in a totally different way than I thought I would. Yep, i’m going to get out of here. You know, and I think it’s it’s such an important point that you made of having that awareness of things can go sideways, and it’s okay And you can leave.
Laura Usher: You know, any sort of situation, whether you’re on your own, whether you’re with people, whether you’re with a partner, you know you can always leave and you can always say this is too much. And sometimes we don’t, and that’s okay too. And there’s definitely learnings in that as well, for sure. Yeah, it’s like we kind of learn where our edge is, I think, in that and it’s like, oh, actually, no, i stepped over like that, pushed my boundary too far, and now I know what that feels like for next time, you know, and, and hopefully you know, for me anyway, it’s like I I only want to be in relationship, like with friends and and people, where it’s like we can come back and kind of have those conversations. Or yeah, it’s like I felt a bit awkward, but you know, this is what was going on for me and you know, and hopefully there’s like a receptivity there, you know, in friendship, in relationship and whatever, where you can kind of bring that. If it does happen, you can kind of bring it in at a later point maybe, or yeah.
Ellie Goode: Definitely definitely. And I think so as well. I mean, you touched on a lot of good points especially. But the having a therapist or a support like this is not related to sex.
Ellie Goode: But I was working with a somatic therapist and we were working on on boundaries and just saying no, because that was something I really struggled with. And we did this really simple exercise where basically she said you know, where do you feel like your boundary is? and I sort of put my hands out and I said it’s about a meter around me, is sort of my space, you know. So she was like okay, i’m going to do this thing where I’m going to start walking towards your space and I want you to put your hand out at me and say stop. And she did it really slowly.
Ellie Goode: She slowly walked towards me and came to my circle and I just froze and I couldn’t, i couldn’t say no and I couldn’t put my hand out because I felt so much like guilt, like I can’t, can’t tell people no, and this was like in a controlled scenario where, like, we’d pre-agreed beforehand this is okay, you know, and and still, you know, like the body has these, i guess, stored, you know, survival responses and and that was that really, you know opened my eyes to just how deep some of this body-based stuff can go and and how we might think, oh, i’m great in my head, but then our body is, it can freeze up or it can respond in a way that you’re just like, well, what just happened there? something as simple as putting your hand out and saying no to your therapist. you know it’s, um, yeah, so so I was really grateful for that experience because it it opened my eyes to going okay, like I need to work on my boundaries and work on saying no, and and we did a lot of that work together, which was which was really cool. So I think it’s really important to have a therapist, yeah, that can help, support and guide you through all of this stuff, for sure, yeah.
Laura Usher: and you can bring things to them and there might be threads that you’ve missed, you know, which is like the beauty of like having a therapeutic container that’s like not just in your own head, you know, or like reading books and things like that. Yeah, it’s like to be it because they, yeah, they can catch things that you miss, you know, and I think that’s that’s such a beautiful, yeah, journey to take and it’s also just so much like easier. it’s like why, why struggle? or like why work twice as hard, you know, in your own, on your own, if you can like bring things to someone and kind of have this, um, yeah, a different perspective.
Ellie Goode: I think, as Laura said, the good news is you don’t have to do this journey alone. So if you’re listening and it’s resonating and you’re like shit, i’m so sick of doing this on my own. It’s hard, it’s it’s rough, like I really just need a community or some really solid nervous system tools. Then go to sexmoneyrage.com, sign up for my free emails. I talk about all of this stuff and more how to get into your body, how to silence your anxious mind because we all have one of those… And there’s these really cool nervous system tools backed by science that really work at at moving this survival stress and releasing it from our bodies, our systems, so that we can live life exactly the way we want and feel great and feel joy. And so if that sounds good to you, go check it out sexmoneyrage.com, it’s totally free. I write three to five emails a week about all of this stuff and my own experiences and, yeah, love to have you on board
Ellie Goode: And so so, with your, i guess, online online store, how long have you been running that? has it been like a few years or
Laura Usher: um, like what year are we in? It’s been maybe like nine years now. Uh, wow, yeah, nine years, maybe a bit even longer. Yeah, yeah, so wow, and yeah, that’s, that’s awesome.
Ellie Goode: And what are some of, i guess, the challenges you faced in in bringing that to life and in, like, i guess, marketing and could be, or, you know, i guess, overcoming some of the stigma that is around sex and sex toys and self pleasure, especially, you know, for women. I think men experienced it as well. What is, what are some of the challenges you faced in that and how did you overcome them?
Laura Usher: Hmm, yeah, like a few challenges, i think. Like the marketing piece, like obviously we all know, like Facebook and Instagram and you know all of those sort of platforms aren’t very sex friendly or like it’s weird, they kind of are in a way where if it’s like non educational, like sexual stuff seems to kind of be okay, but then, like sex educators and you know, businesses like mine, we kind of get yeah like wrapped into like the pornography kind of blanket. So it could be.
Laura Usher: It can be hard to share things and you know, like I’m pretty sure I’m shadow banned at the moment, like it’s just kind of part of part of it And, unfortunately, like these are the platforms that as a society we kind of use to connect with each other and to share information. So, yeah, that can be a challenge And I’ve got lots of friends whose accounts have been like disabled and sex sex educators and things like that. And yeah, i think it’s hard because we’re trying to Yeah like change people’s mind around like what sex is and like how we can participate in our own pleasure and how we can have a healthy relationship with our sexuality. And you know, i would say, on the most part, society’s relationship with sex is pretty unhealthy, you know, and like even what I shared with you about like my childhood, like I had no idea, you know, and my parents had no idea either. And I just think, imagine if, like, parents were educated like properly and children got got a better education around sexuality like how much healthier we would be, you know, as a society, and yeah, so it’s a challenge.
Laura Usher: It feels like things are, yeah, often blocked and that education is not always, yeah, not appreciated but it’s not always welcomed, i think, in those sort of spaces. Yeah, so that that has been a bit of a challenge for me. Can’t say I’ve overcome it, because the guidelines are still the same. We kind of find ways around it, i guess. Yeah, but yeah, and then also, you know, there’s like a lot of stuff happening at the moment, like I would say, around like gender and, yeah, sexuality and I think, because my business is, it’s for women mostly. You know there’s some products on there that can be used, you know, for men as well, but it’s mostly for women.
And there’s been a bit of pushback. And I’ve just received like emails mostly just emails from people saying that like my website’s not inclusive and yeah, also for like non binary people and things like that, and yeah, and I’m just like it’s a website for women, like I don’t know, don’t buy things from me, yeah, and I guess like advice to business owners. I think like, if you, yeah, people are always people are always going to have something to say There’s always going to be haters. I think, with like, no matter what you do and I know like you can’t appeal to everyone Exactly To every market Yeah, exactly. And so, yeah, i think you, like you just have to know, like what your vision is and what your desire is, and like my vision is What your desire is and like mine is, as a woman, to support women. So like that’s my intention. And there’s other businesses that are doing other things for, like other people and other genders and things like that, and like that’s fine. I don’t, i don’t, you know, i think people can, can be who they want to be, just like my business can be for who I want it to be for you know.
Laura Usher: So, yeah, that’s been, it’s been a challenge and sometimes comical. Just the emails and the kind of hate mail that you get from people getting upset about things, and yeah, and it used to, it used to upset me because, yeah, i’m a human, you know, and receiving like hate from someone that you don’t know and essentially like being shamed and abused is not, you know it’s not great, but yeah, for somatic boundaries and just think I’d be like get fucked. No, actually, no, thanks, but no, it’s like delete Marcus. Yeah, yeah, literally like, yeah, and it’s like and how does that feel? it’s like, oh, this actually feels really great to say, like to do that, and then just to notice that and you know, from a somatic lens, it’s like, yeah, actually it feels really good in my body to do that and yeah. So that they’re probably the two, the two main challenges I would say that I can think of Yeah, it’s interesting one too.
Ellie Goode: It’s like, you know, I mean, business is hard enough, you know, just trying to to build a business and build something that you’re passionate about to have. Then people come in and and throw hate at you and it’s like, you know, this is not really making me want to market to you. You know you’re not doing a very good job of like changing my mind. But uh huh, totally, and like I understand, you know, like non binary people would want, you know, sex toys and stuff for them as well, and and I think there are, you know, businesses out there that, like you said, are catering, which is really cool. So it’s like I guess, yeah, understanding, you know there’s different businesses that sell different things, you know, and have different products and services on offer, and you know you, unless you’re Amazon, you know you can’t appeal to every market. It’s just impossible. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, interesting, and so so you’re also a somatic counsellor.
Ellie Goode: So how did you sort of step into that field? what was that? how did that come about? Um, oh gosh, i guess it’s just been like another like long journey. Like I started as an art.
Laura Usher: I started, i started art therapy when I was quite a bit younger and I’ve always been interested, i guess, in therapeutic practices and even, just you know, i think a lot of therapists kind of start with, like wanting to understand themselves and um, yeah, so it was like a journey of, i guess, self inquiry and um, and then, yeah, again, like what worked for me and um, somatic stuff, just really, yeah, i just found that like such an incredible like healing, i guess modality, if you’d call it that like, or just a pathway, i think, to self understanding and um, yeah, like I tried a lot of different things, but I think like somatic work has had the biggest impact, um, and like long lasting impact as well, because, as you would know, it’s like we’re actually repatterning the nervous system, which is just a profound, you know, a profound thing to do, because it changes the way that we interface with life and ourselves and um, yeah, so it was through like seeing a somatic therapist for quite a while and being like, wow, this is amazing, and like she was quite heavy with her psycho education, like the way that she would do her sessions, because I was always so interested. I’m like such a curious, like philosophical human, so I’m like I love to like understand why, and I’d always be asking questions and, um, you know, i studied a lot of different things and yeah, and I was like no, this is like amazing actually, and so then I started, decided to sort of study it myself and, um, yeah, but it’s just the best and like, i’m sure, like John also, and you know, it’s like it’s just such an incredible. framework.
Ellie Goode: I love it. Yeah, it’s such an incredible. Um, yeah, thing. Yeah, for sure, for sure. And and so you have your own clients now as well, which is super cool that you work with. Do you do more one in one on one in person, or do you do more zoom sessions or what are you sort of doing at the moment?
Laura Usher: So I do, yeah, i do one on one work. Um, i do it in person and also online, and so I’ve got quite a few clients that we do online sessions with. So zoom, like you said, um, yeah, i mean my favourite is in person, because I just love being out of, like you know, be in a room with somebody. but I think it’s amazing that you know we’ve got the zoom technology too, because it kind of just makes it so much more accessible.
As for people that maybe they live somewhere where they don’t um, you know, there’s no one practicing that, or yeah, and I think a big part of it, too, is finding someone that you really resonate with and feel safe with, and contrast, because, like, i think that’s a crucial part of like being in a therapeutic relationship is actually having that, that safety, and to be able to go into into, you know, the places that feel uncomfortable and, um, yeah, so I think online gives people an option to really find a therapist that they kind of gel with, and yeah, and so for someone who say doesn’t know what somatic counselling is, how would you, i guess, explain it to them? Yeah, well, like somatic work, not just counselling, it’s like we’re working with, with the body, but like the soma, but also it’s not just kind of the physical body, like the way I imagine it is like It’s sort of all of our bodies So like our energetic body, our emotional body, you know, our spiritual body, our mental body, it’s like all of the things that are kind of yeah, it feels like a holistic kind of perspective on on our and our, on our whole being in a way. You know, so we’re often working with sensation in the body, but there’s also like memories, and you know we might be sensing all the way I work anyway, it’s like we might be sensing things in like other places that aren’t just physical, like it might be, yeah, it might be something else there, and so we’re really just being curious about what, what’s here and in this moment now, and like what, what is our soma, i guess, give giving us? like, what information is it kind of giving to us and how can we kind of follow, follow that thread and sort of see what wants to, wants to come out, yeah, yeah. And so, like a physical, you sort of start with physical sensations and sort of track with it and Mm-hmm, explore, yeah, yeah.
Laura Usher: So there’s a lot of tracking and as a client, you’re learning, like interception, so you’re learning what’s kind of happening in your own body and you know. Well that feels there’s comfort there or that, you know, there’s discomfort. And we’re kind of working, we’re pendulating between Something that’s like more comfortable and maybe like the discomfort, like whatever that. That might be a physical sensation or it, you know, might be like a memory or you know whatever it is. We’re sort of moving in and out and like widening the capacity for the nervous system basically to be able to kind of face whatever’s there and sort of be with what’s there. And Yeah, i know there’s like talk, a bit of talk therapy to. You know, there’s like what’s going on and the meaning making, which can be helpful too. And yeah.
Ellie Goode: I really, yeah, i really like the, the concept of you mentioned it there.
Ellie Goode: I’m going into the, I guess, sensation or the memory or whatever’s coming up, and then coming out, having a break, and then going in and coming out and that back and forth, which is titrating and and just how that Somehow I don’t totally understand it, but it really helps, i guess, because you’re not going into it getting overwhelmed, you’re going in and coming out and then going in and coming out, and so you’re growing, like you said, this capacity In your nervous system to handle, i guess, bigger and bigger sensations as they come through the body, and so that’s something I really love is, i mean, i definitely have a tendency to sort of go more into it and stay, because I’m like, yeah, let’s feel and rip off the band aid, but but you know, i think, yeah, like a lot of the the power has I found come from, you know, going in and then coming out and and you know, going for a walk or having a cup of tea and then and then, okay, let’s go back and do a bit more. Or, you know, in a session, obviously You know you might just talk about something different or go to a different part of the body, change your awareness to your big toe. What’s my big toe doing? that’s something that I like to check in and like, when I’m sort of feeling all the different things, i’m like, how’s my big toe? Okay, we could Having like a reference point to sort of pull you out of, because some of these sensations and these emotions can be so big and quite overwhelming at times, especially, you know, as we Go into this work. It’s you just don’t know, like you said, what’s gonna come up and and so it’s, yeah, having that, having that balance and going. I don’t have to feel everything at once. I can. I can do it in by size pieces and and that that’s actually like a really powerful way to do it, which is cool.
Laura Usher: Yeah, and again, it like it builds trust and safety with our without own like parts. You know it’s like These tend to. You know, often it’s like younger self parts that there’s like things going on and they don’t feel safe And it’s like, okay, actually can we just kind of touch the edge of that and still be with? you know, it’s like be with that younger part, and then we kind of come out and it’s like we’re not just like exposure therapy, like you know, because it’s like with trauma, as you know, it’s like too much, too soon, too fast, and so if we’re going in quickly and we’re trying to like it’s the same, i guess, motion, it’s the same kind of thread of energy that often like set up that pattern in the first place. So it’s like how can we actually do the opposite of that?
Laura Usher: and yeah, as you know, you know somatic route is very slow. It’s like, really, how do we slow down and like notice all the little Intricacies, rather than just like kind of getting straight into like the intensity. It’s like oh, like what’s Just on the edge of the intensity, like what’s to like to kind of hang out there and what’s happening there. And you know, often then that will dissipate, as he said, like that, the more intense stuff, it kind of yeah, it kind of gives it a chance to sort of air out, i guess an untangle, instead of like being intensely kind of like poked at. Yeah, yeah, it’s like I think I don’t know who says it might have been Peter living or I might have been Irene Lyon, but this whole idea of go slow to go fast, you know, it’s like you said, it’s a slow practice and and it, if you slow it down, it speeds it up Ironically, which is cool, yeah.
Laura Usher: And then, like you’re out in life and you like, you’re like oh, i don’t do that thing anymore. It’s like there’s things that are like you know, it’s like I don’t. You know, and that’s another amazing thing It’s like often it can just feel like you’re not really doing much in a semantic session. It’s just like, oh, okay, like yeah, it’s very gentle and Yeah, and then you can just be out living your life and in a situation where usually maybe would be socially anxious or something like that, and you’re like, oh, that’s just not here anymore and, yeah, i love, i love that. Take the little surprises that you kind of get, get with it. You’re like, oh, my sister’s doing something different, like that’s really great. And I think it’s so important to like to celebrate those things, you know, and I think play in celebration is such a beautiful way of healing to write And a piece that I try and kind of bring in, you know, with my sessions too, it’s like it doesn’t have to be so serious and, of course, like we can be working with that quite, you know, intense, serious content.
Laura Usher: But it’s like, how can we actually bring a bit of like Lightness and celebration and like, when we kind of, yeah, when we experience something new, it’s like, yeah, like can we just hang out with that and like, really let ourselves, like, appreciate ourselves for that, because it’s big work. But it’s really it’s, it’s a big thing to look at oneself and and to want to like, yeah, do things differently. And Yeah, so, totally, totally. And do you find that, as people do this work, like, how does that? like you sort of mentioned, you know, you go into situations where you’re like, oh, this isn’t triggering me like a you store, i’m not having a panic attack.
Ellie Goode: Do you find that people’s relationships change, or their business, or how they relate to do to different? I guess situations that that all changes. Are they better at setting boundaries? Are they better at because I guess this, all this work is about following your impulse and following How you feel. And so have you seen that in your clients or in yourself?
Laura Usher: Yeah, i mean absolutely, and I think even for myself. Yeah, it’s like just noticing, like noticing where there’s like Resistance around doing certain things or like and and being out alike. Yeah, unpack that a bit and and be with that. And also, yeah, i think it translates across your whole life, right, it’s like so when one thing changes, it kind of it’s a domino effect to kind of changes, changes everywhere.
Laura Usher: I have one client That I’m that sort of come to mind. and Yeah, like it’s, it’s literally changed her life, like she used to be a very socially anxious person and yeah, like I Would say, quite introverted and, like you know, kind of kept to herself a fair bit and wasn’t a very social kind of outgoing person, and now she’s like Going to dance classes and like going out to parties and like just, yeah, it’s incredible. And just even her, like her face and her energy and the way she interacts with life, and Yeah, she’s kind of, i guess, in the flow of her own life and and like what we spoke about before, like there’s so much more joy and like receptivity and openness and safety in her own system. And so she’s like ending up in all of these like Yeah, i guess, in all of these amazing places and meeting all of these amazing people and just sort of like, yeah, life is has really opened up for her and Yeah, things that you know she’s shared it.
Laura Usher: She’s like I never, ever, thought this was possible. Like she didn’t. Yeah, she just was. Like I didn’t know that, like life could be this good. And then I would like love being in a room full of people and like what that would give me, you know, so, so cool, yeah, and it’s, i guess, inspired her to then want to like with her business stuff. It’s like inspired her to actually like take the step, because there was a lot of fear around, you know, stepping into it, and Then like what that would mean and and now she’s just kind of like, yep, she’s got the momentum, she’s got the energy and like she’s trust herself And she’s it’s like really just like given her this momentum that she hasn’t had before and Yeah, so it’s just it’s so incredible and like such an honor, i think, to like be a part of that journey with somebody and And yeah, it just makes me so happy that you know she’s yeah the joy that she has, i think, in her life now and, yeah, it’s such a beautiful thing to be able to witness.
Ellie Goode: Totally, totally. I really, i really love the piece you mentioned about a safety. We sort of touched on that earlier as well, but learning to feel safe and it’s something that I didn’t even really understand until a couple years ago.
Ellie Goode: You know what is safety? How do we feel safe in our own bodies And you know, you look at, I guess, social anxiety and not wanting to be in a room full of people. To me, that signals, you know, someone not feeling safe. You know, and, and, because I was there, you know looking for the exit. You know having it, having my car ready to go, you know, and and having these exit strategies because we don’t feel safe in, in a situation or an environment, in a relationship, and And and that can really hold us back. It’s something it seems like.
Ellie Goode: A lot of stuff comes back to safety. You know, why do we care what people think about us? Because, you know, we want to feel safe, we want to belong. You know. Why do we, you know, avoid doing certain things? because we don’t feel safe. And so, i guess, as we can build internal safety, you know, by understanding our sensations and impulses in our body and going, okay, i don’t like that and and it’s okay, like I’m gonna notice that and I’m going to look at my surroundings and look at the walls and there’s no one here, and letting your system drop down and, yeah, like really cultivating a sense of safety which then allows you to go out and, yeah, like level up in your business or go to go out partying and dancing and all these fun stuff, because all of a sudden, you feel safe and so you’re not looking over your shoulder or looking for a threat, and all that energy that you spent looking outwards, you know, for threats and for safety, is now energy that you can use to do other stuff and feel joyful, which is which is really really cool.
Laura Usher: Yeah, it’s such a big piece, the safety piece. It’s like really the foundation, because it’s like, when we know what that’s like, it’s like we can feel, even like with the boundaries, it’s like we can feel when something’s pressing up against that and it’s like we kind of have more clarity on, like, what’s a yes and what’s a no as well. It’s like, oh, actually, you know, like having a real sense of our internal safety and yeah, and then we know when it’s like, oh, that’s not that you know, so it just gives us a greater like language and understanding, i think, and it’s yeah, it’s such a foundational piece and I, you know it’s. It’s some, you know, some people don’t have never known what that feels like. It’s like what is that you know? yeah, like what is safety? Yeah, yeah, and yeah, some people didn’t get that growing up, you know, it’s like from our caregivers and things like. That’s really like with attachment things. It’s like that’s kind of where we learn that information and sometimes people don’t have a reference point for that, and so, you know, it’s a really great place to start, i think. So what is that, you know? and even for the listeners it’s like like that questions like what does safety feel like? and yeah, and just to notice, maybe in the body, or yeah, and to really get a sense of that. And yeah, i think that’s a really, really important place to start.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, yeah, i think that’s something I’ve been playing with lately is is when I’m in a situation or with a person especially if there’s someone I don’t know very well I just ask myself, i asked my body, like do you feel safe right now? And it really just creates this opening of bringing my awareness into my body and listening to this impulses, because your gut will tell you. Like, if something feels off, your gut will tell you and you’ll be like something you know, of any kind, explain it. But you know, you’re picking up body language and you’re picking up all these different cues so much quicker than you can consciously be aware of. And so I’ve been finding it really helpful to just ask the question, like do you feel safe? and then I look around and I, you know, look at the person and I sort of go yes or no, and then then I can choose how to act out of that. You know, if I don’t, maybe I need to leave, or maybe I don’t want to hang out with this person, or if I do feel safe, then cool, you know.
Laura Usher: And so it’s, yeah, like you said, like it’s almost having this conversation with yourself and creating this opening where you can build that internal safety, because, you know, i think we will have, we will have capacity, we will have the responsibility to say, to set boundaries and say, you know, this is yeah, these are my boundaries, and it’s cool And I love that. Like even just to check in, it’s like that is just such a beautiful process because, like, how often are we just looking out, you know, and like doing things and moving around and just like living our lives? and it’s like, how often do we kind of actually be like, hey, you know how you going like, hey, going in there, you know like I have a body yeah, yeah, i think it’s a really, really simple and beautiful practice to, yeah, it’s like, do I feel safe? or even just like you know, like, how are you right now, you know, and so kind of get used to that checking in and having that feedback and creating that line of communication. Yeah, and that’s something that everyone can kind of do. And maybe, you know, for people that I’ve gotten don’t really know, you know, haven’t done it before might be a bit weird to be like hey, you know it’s like talking to myself again, yeah, but it’s like, you know, just kind of like it’s great to get in the habit and like, even for my clients, that kind of struggle with with maybe that might be a bit much. It’s like it’s like okay, like let’s just take a like come throughout the day, just take a pause for a few minutes and just stop, like between tasks maybe or whatever. Take, take a moment and like orient, look around, just like take a breath and like let the system settle and then like continue and do you know, like feel your feet on the ground, like if that’s whatever’s accessible.
Laura Usher: But I think introducing those little like moments where we remember to like check in and pause, i think that’s yeah, that’s such such a helpful thing, because it’s like if we set that up for ourselves, then when we’re in moments that are maybe more intense, it’s like, oh, that it’s kind of like habitual in a way, where we go, oh, okay, what’s happening happening in me now And like am I feeling safe now? you know, it’s a good little like, yeah, habitual pattern, i think, to set up and is, and it’s helpful. Then it’s just kind of second nature, which is really nice when you kind of get to that, that point, yeah, like the magic,
Ellie Goode: yeah, yeah, it’s so cool, especially when it happens Like you, you’d like to say you’re building that habit of that just kind of pausing and that awareness which which starts to bring you into, i guess, more of a rest digest slow, and then I’m going to be sick and my heart starts racing and my whole body goes into an activated state and I was just like breathing and then eventually I just started imagining my kidneys dropping, which is so when you’re activated, or your kidneys get pulled up into your ribs. And so one of the exercises I’d I’d been doing before that was consciously like relaxing the kidneys and I just started doing that automatically And it brought my whole system down just automatically. And I thought, whoa, you know, it’s just the power of just bringing like such a subtle awareness, like I wasn’t even consciously like trying to bring them down. I just like shifted my attention to my kidneys And it was incredible just watching the whole body and nervous system just slow down and calm down. It’s really cool And that’s something you know, people can do, you know, in personal life swear, when everything’s crazy, it’s you know, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, and there’s a million things happening, can you pause and can you bring your system or allow your system to come down as well?
Laura Usher: Yeah, and then you know, for like decision making and stuff like that too, especially in business, it’s like okay, like yeah, am I making this decision from like a panicked, like sympathetic, you know place, or it’s like actually, can I just take a minute and like let everything settle and then kind of make the decision from from there? I think that’s so helpful in business too. And yeah, and absolutely Yeah. And also, like when you’re working with people or collaborating with people in business and or like if you’re hiring people or things like that, it’s like really just noticing like what’s the language, like what’s the nervous system language that’s happening here between our two systems, and like again, it’s like, do I feel safe? Can I trust this person? Do I?
Laura Usher: you know, like I think there’s so many cues happening in that space too, and it’s like obviously you know it’s it’s a business And so it’s not all just about like interpersonal and emotional stuff. And I don’t know like I’m a very intuitive business person, so for me I’m like it kind of does govern a lot of it for me, You know, but my dad, he’s like very like black and white, you know businessy, but it’s like, yeah, you can kind of incorporate that. I think you can still, yeah, have be business minded and like logical and all that kind of stuff. But I think it’s really helpful to kind of have this other language here too And, yeah, to just get a sense of like sense of other people and a sense of yourself and then like how to then move, you know, throughout in a business aspect, like how do you then kind of go from there? and yeah, i mean, we are always in relationship, like no matter if it’s like personal or business, or there’s always like a relationship happening with something. And so it’s like how am I in relationship to this thing? And yeah, what’s happening in me and what’s happening here in this space? and yeah, yeah, i think that’s a really, really important point you made, i think, just about the decision making and then also about, like, the more aware you are of yourself and your body, the more you’re going to notice when your employees having a bad day or when your customers upset, and then you’re going to be able to respond in a much more timely way because you’re aware of your own body and you’re aware of your own sensations and impulses. So I think it just gives you a greater awareness of life and of and business, and it’s like you said, it’s all connected, which is really cool. Yeah, yeah, and it’s yeah, and I think people interact with you differently. You know it’s like, and you don’t even have to say anything. It’s like when you’re regulated, when you’re in ventral and you’re regulated, it’s like it’s very hard for people to be angry with you. Yeah, over on you, because you’ll see it coming. Yeah, yeah, it’s just like. Oh, okay, you know, like, yeah, it can really down, like escalate things, like when you if you’re able to stay in there and not get sucked into someone else’s nervous system experience and drama. Yeah, yeah, like I had.
Laura Usher: I had it happen, you know, sporadically, but I parked my car somewhere in a car park that this lady there was a shop next door and everyone must use this car park for the shop next door because it was really busy And she kind of came out like guns are blazing, like she was so angry and like screaming and I was okay. It was clearly like. You know, it’s not me, this is like she’s triggered. You know, people must always park here, and I don’t even know what I said, but I, you know, i was in a really good mood and I was just feeling like, yeah, very regulated, and just kind of like engage with her.
Laura Usher: And you know, yeah, and I was just like you know, like I’m just met her and was like I’m so sorry, like that must be really frustrating, and just kind of like had this dialogue with her and and just kind of stayed open and stayed, you know, connected and yeah, she like fully, like just went from screaming and being like you know, someone that you would run the other way from And then she, like calm down, she was like oh, it’s alright if you park your car there. And yeah, you know, and she still let me park my car there and I was just going to get like a coffee. so, like you know, i was like I’m going to be like two minutes and you know anyway, and she just fully, like relaxed and ended up like smiling and being, you know it ended up being like this really beautiful interaction and yeah, it’s like gosh, she just wanted to be this person, just wanted to actually be heard and like was really frustrated and and I still got to park my car there and get your coffee. I did ask her I would have moved it. I said, look, like you know I can, if that would feel good, like I’m absolutely happy to move the car. But no, she was okay with it and anyway. So, yeah, it’s just so interesting, like what kind of happens in interactions when we can kind of if we can stay in our center and if we can kind of yeah, and we can kind of be like I don’t know, and that’s also fine, you know, it’s like that’s just the nature of being in relationship. Again, it’s like we’re often it’s like we’re picking up on the other person and you know, and we can kind of become escalated and and not realize it, and you know it’s yeah, and I think that’s really cool too. It’s so receptive and so connected with each other as human beings and I think that’s such a beautiful thing that we have that with each other, yeah, and so sometimes we kind of get carried away, and that’s all right as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we’re humans and we make mistakes and it’s okay.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, definitely, definitely Awesome. And so we’re almost on time for today. Where can people connect with you and find out more if they want to work with you So for, like the somatic work, they can connect with me from my website, so I think I probably sent that to you, but it’s somaticcounselling.com.au, so I don’t know if you’ve got like links and things that you have for people to click on.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, i’ll pop them in the show notes, yeah, and then follow La Loba. You can follow me on Instagram, which is the @la.loba.herbalism, or the website which I mentioned earlier, which is the laloba.com.au, and, yeah, that’s they’re the places to find me.
Ellie Goode: Amazing, amazing. Well, thank you so much for coming on. It’s been a super fun and interesting conversation for sure.
Laura Usher: Thank you for having me.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, anytime, and I’ll have to get onto your online store and order some crystal goodies or a yoni egg to get shipped to Peru.
Laura Usher: Yeah, yeah, I can make you like for your listeners too. I can do like a little a discount code or something like that. which we can make, i can give you and then we could put that in the show notes as well. Put it in the show notes, for sure.
Ellie Goode: Yeah, for sure, amazing, oh, thank you so much.
Ellie Goode: Thank you so so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode all about sexual healing and the nervous system. Thank you to everyone who has subscribed! And if you haven’t done it already, smash the subscribe button. Make my day – and I’ll catch you all next week.