NSFW: Beast Mode — Where Does Sexual Shame Come From? The Stigma Around Sex, Cross-Dressing, Plant Medicine and More – #16

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by Ellie Goode

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Sex toys. The stigma around sex.

This is the most explicit, controversial, honest, and hilarious podcast episode so far.

Sorry mum.

If you’re easily offended, watch out 🔥

My brother John and I went deep into why there is so much stigma and shame around sex.

Religion, organisations, your social group (and even the SMR podcast) – all influence the way you think and feel about sex.

We all have an uptight friend called Karen who is in need of some serious vibrator-time.

Or Alex who needs to go and get that freaking prostate massager already.

The solution to world peace = more orgasms (in my VERY humble opinion 😇).

Yep, I said it.

People are far-too-often shamed for enjoying a certain sexual fantasy or fetish.

Like being a submissive housemaid named Darla, loving gang bangs, or having a collection of butt plugs hanging on your bedroom wall (in all shapes, sizes, and shades of turquoise).

Maybe your parents shamed you when they caught you masturbating as a teenager.

Maybe you’ve been shamed by your partner for wanting to switch roles and be the dominant.

Or maybe you’ve been shamed by your vanilla friends for trying anal sex (and loving it way more than you thought you would).

Sexual shame is so common.

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably experienced sexual shame at least once in your life.

So what’s the antidote?

Talking about sex.

Because as we talk about it, the stigma and shame around sex dissolves.

“If you put shame in a Petri dish, it needs three things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence and judgment. If you put the same amount of shame in a Petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can’t survive,”

Brene Brown

Shame thrives in secret.

Growing up in church, there was so much sexual shame.

I was taught not to have sex before marriage.

I was told what types of sex I was allowed to have.

Thankfully, I rebelled against it all.

I couldn’t keep track of all the rules and regulations. It was like a volcano spewing forth an endless stream of bubble wrap.

It didn’t make sense.

Why was someone else allowed to dictate what I did with my body?

Why was this natural physical urge that I had – wrong?

There is so much fear, guilt, and manipulation that people, churches and organisations use to control people.

Because if you think there’s something wrong with you for wanting sex, then you’ll search for something to “fix you”.

But there is nothing wrong with you.

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Humans are made to have sex.

It’s in your DNA. It’s in your blood.

And as long as the sex is safe, sane and consensual, then go crazy.

Experiment with an inflatable butt plug (as long as Amazon isn’t sold out), play with your spiky alien dildo, or visit that BDSM dungeon you’ve been eyeing for weeks now.

The sexual world is your delicious, tantalising, leather-wearing oyster.

Sexual energy is your biggest source of power.

People who hurt others through abuse of power, judgement, or shame – are in pain themselves.

When people are in pain, they lash out at others.

They shower people in judgement, criticism, and tidal waves of sexual shame.

Because as long as they’re focused on someone else’s “problems” (I say that with giant inverted commas), they’re not going to feel all the “stuff” inside of them.

Most people want to avoid their pain. It’s uncomfortable.

So – they focus on other people or other things outside of themselves.

But until you’re willing to go into your pain, feel it, and get to know it (so you can release it), you’ll stay stuck with it.

There are so many ways to deal with pain. Journalling, CBT, talk therapy, breathwork, or nervous system exercises.

These all help to process pain.

Feel it, heal it, and release it.

Plant medicine (like ayahuasca, psilocybin mushrooms, or San Pedro cactus) can also help you release your pain.

Like John explains, from his ayahuasca dieta experience.

Psychedelics often fast track the process.

Which can be helpful, but you have to be ready for it. Because it can be intense.

It’s important to have some helpful tools onboard, like the nervous system exercises found in Rageheart.

Because when shit is hitting the fan, and your mind is screaming at you telling you that “you’re going insane!!!” – can you keep your cool?

Can you stay calm and notice your breath?

Or — do you get sucked into your mind and melt into a giant puddle of lube?

Check out this episode with my epic brother John. We bounce off each other, caffeine and stimulant-free, and crack ridiculous jokes.

Warning: this episode might change your life…

Listen now, if you dare 😈🔥

Show Notes – You’ll Discover

  • How to overcome sexual shame and become more sexually curious
  • Why there is so much sexual stigma in society (and what to do about it)
  • Why it’s important to surround yourself with open-minded, sex-positive people
  • The power of experimenting with sexual fantasies, toys, and new experiences
  • How cross-dressing gives you a new perspective on what it’s like to be a woman
  • What is an ayahuasca diet and how does it help heal your pain?
  • Why most people externalise their pain instead of dealing with it
  • How plants have souls – just like humans
  • Our *many* ridiculous jokes…

Connect with John:

There are affiliate links throughout this website which I may earn commissions on. These links help to keep the Sex, Money & Rage podcast alive 🔥 Thank you for your support! 🤗

Sex Positivity, BDSM, and the Importance of Having Sex Positive Friends

Adult Toys, Cross Dressing, and Sexual Confidence

Ellie McIntyre - sex money and rage podcast

Ellie Goode Host of the Provocative “Sex, Money & Rage Podcast, Nervous System Junkie, and Plant Psychonaut 🌿

I created Sex, Money & Rage to talk about everything that’s taboo. BDSM. Plant medicine. Healthy Rage. Kink. Emotions. Boundaries. Money issues. Less thinking, more feeling. How to get into your body and silence your overactive mind.

Sex, Money & Rage provides straight-up, powerful nervous system tools to help you dominate life’s toughest moments.

All podcast episodes are located here.

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